ALL In

Original Post was on Dec. 20, 2013

Surrender done right is not a one-time act, it’s a lifestyle. There is the initial time where you make the choice to go “all in” with the Lord and surrender anything you can think of, but then it’s important to continue in that manner and begin living a life of surrender, by daily giving everything to Him.

On New Year’s Eve 2011 we were having a huge party, Christian style, in other words, no drugs or illicit sex, just a bunch of people having fun together who used to partake in all of that. Everyone was dressed up, everything was decorated and the bass was bumping. It reminded me of my clubbing days, except that I was in my right mind and not intoxicated. Going dancing at clubs used to be my favorite hobby, so giving it up was really tough for me, but I knew I needed to though, because of all that went along with it. I actually started going to dance clubs twice a week from the age of fourteen and it had been 5 years since I had been, so this party was a safe way for me to enjoy something old in a new way.

As I sat at my table catching up with some folks a techno song came on that I used to dance to when I was high on Ecstasy. I instantly felt paralyzed as I stared off into space. It was like I was back there. Most people who use Ecstacy take a half of a pill and sometimes a whole pill for an entire night, however there were many times that I took multiple pills in one night, sometimes as many as five. It still amazes me that I made it out alive. The song reminded me of my second marriage…my ex-husband, you see, he is the one who introduced me to hard drugs which he encouraged me to use with him for the purpose of “spicing things up.” In my healthy frame of mind, I now know that His definition of “spicing things up” is equivalent to what most people would consider to be sick perversion. Due to the drug induced daze I was in, it took me a long time to realize that I had passed from Party Girl to Drug Addict.

I was shaken out of my triggered state as I heard clapping and people chanting my teenage son’s name “Stefan, Stefan, Stefan” I turned around to see that they had made a big circle out of people around him and wanted him to show off his moves. He jumped into the circle and danced to the song that had reminded me of something evil. Without Stefan’s knowledge, God was using him to heal me. Happy tears filled my eyes as I knew the Lord was taking that moment in time to replace an old evil memory with a new innocent one.

We were having a talent show that night and everyone was working on their talent, but I didn’t have anything in mind yet. Then the Lord impressed on my heart to dance for Him to that song. So as the talent show was coming to an end I asked someone to start flickering the lights as if to create a strobe light effect. I had everyone make a huge circle on the dance floor, grabbed the mic and said “Earlier there was a song that played that triggered me really bad to the point of almost ruining my night, but then I saw my kid dance to it. I used to go “all out” in my past for Satan, so tonight I’m going to surrender all that I am and dance for my Savior Jesus Christ.” I made my way into the circle and danced like I’d never danced before, giving all the glory to my Lord. A bunch of my Girls joined me on the floor to show their support. I started bawling. It’s a good thing it was dark, so they couldn’t see my tears. A bunch of my boy’s friends came up to me after and were shocked “Dang, we didn’t know you could dance like that.”    “Ha, ha…there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

Once again I chose to surrender all, not holding anything back. I went all in for the Devil in my past and now I needed to do the same for my Savior only in an appropriate way. I even gave Him dancing-one of my favorite things, He changed it and gave it back. What are you still holding onto that the Lord is prompting you to surrender? You’ll be glad you did, I promise.

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